You know that feeling, the one where you really want to write, but then you have no idea what to write? Yeah, I’ve had that feeling for quite a while now. Not for here, in my blog, but in a book I’ve been trying to write. To be honest, I started it back in 2005. It has evolved quite a bit from that first draft. Ah…the good old days, when a story could be simple and easy. But, as time went on, I managed to improve my grammar, my punctuation, my way of wording things to find my own writing style. Now, I’m on draft I-Don’t-Know-What-Number-Anymore and I feel stuck. Really, it’s because a part of me wonders just how much of the story is mine anymore. Throughout the past 10 years I have shared my drafts with two of my very closest friends to edit for me once each draft was complete. With both saying things like “Develop these characters more. They’re too flat.” to “These plot threads here aren’t connected anywhere.” and “You need to focus on your climax and falling actions. They’re weak.” and so on, I wonder if I’ve “over-edited” and now am stuck wallowing in despair over how to continue.
So, while I desparately want to work on my latest draft (and please, oh please, call it the “Final Draft” (ah, what an alluring and evasive title….)), I am struggling to figure out what to type. Since I never had a problem just sitting down and writing what came to mind when I first started 10 years ago, I find that now, this small problem is very annoying. It’s like I’m on permanent writer’s block and I can’t quite figure out how to break the dam to get things flowing again. So, in the end, I type a few words and sentences here and there when I really feel like I have to do something to feel productive about it, but then I wonder, “Hey, is this really the way I want this part to go, or am I just typing drabble here?” I’ve become so fed up that I have re-started from scratch and only have a few pages of a Chapter One in progress. But, still, I feel like something’s lacking. I think it’s inspiration. I’m not sure where to find it. She’s an elusive muse and she’s very good at skirting away from me just when I think I’ve found her. Ah….aish. I hope to meet her one day soon.
Please look for my words again soon.