Tag Archives: Babysitting

Insecurity: A Daunting Companion

I am secretly insecure. About a lot of things. Sure, I’m the chipper, go-to gal amongst all of my friends and family, too. I’m always ready to lend a helping hand, whether it be running your errands for you, to babysitting your kid, to helping out with homework or housework or yardwork. Optimism is my middle name, mostly. I always have a ready smile and I always have something to laugh about.

But deep down, WAY deep down the darkness known as fear weaves me in a tighter web. I think this is the source my anxiety feeds on. This internal fear that I hide away so well from so many people that they don’t even know I have this problem until someone I’m close to (like my mother, for instance) tells them.

What am I insecure about? Many things. I’ve touched on them briefly in previous posts. Like how I’m 25, have only ever had one “serious” relationship (which only lasted 6 months), fear that I’ll never find “the one”, and I’ll die old and alone. That I’m still a student at university and already owe up to 16,000$+ in student loan debt and I still have, at least, 3 more semesters to study through in order to get my degree. How I currently have no “actual” job, but rather a variety of odd-end side jobs that don’t offer 401K’s, or retirement plans, or insurance and health plans. I’m not on a payroll!

I am a 25 year old university student working odd jobs that don’t offer steady payroll or benefits, making at least $1.50 more than New Jersey’s current minimum wage per hour, have 6 student loans, 2 credit card bills, and 1 car payment (plus $300 for insurance every 2.5 months), a cell phone bill, and only $40 in my savings account.

I’m afraid I’ll never be financially secure and that I’ll have to live with my parents for the rest of my life. It’s such a frightening idea, not because I don’t like them (because I do) but because I know they can’t afford to support me now, let alone for the rest of their lives! Besides, guys tend to shy away when I say I still live with my parents due to my financial situation.

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I’m afraid I won’t find a good job after college. (I mean, who wants to hire an art major nowadays? I think I picked a crappy major). I’m afraid that I’ll only find mediocre jobs that don’t pay well and don’t offer the benefits necessary to live in today’s world. I’m afraid that I’ll never make enough money to pay off my debts. I’m afraid that I’ll never make enough to get a house, to get married, to start a family. I can’t even try to travel because that’s too expensive!!!

Every day I hear on the news about America’s economy and how people are struggling. How the middle class is shrinking and the lower class is growing in size. How it costs a middle-class family over $105,000 to support a family of 4 per year! How one 19 year old student in North Jersey already owes $60,000+ in student debt and still has 2 more years of college to go. That’s ridiculous!

I know my situation could be worse so for the fact that it is not so horrible is a blessing and a slight relief, but that fear still grips me. It’s always there, a dim, nibbling presence in my mind and it’s scary!

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So now you know a bit more about me. And what I’m afraid of. I feel like we’ve bonded. Thanks for listening….

Look for my words again soon.

-Soleil

You’re Basic, Average Update, Plus a Ramen Bar!

Hi Everyone!

I’ve been a bit lazy lately. This whole “not having a job thing” is really boring. To be honest, I really have enjoyed the time off and I’ve accomplished a lot of things around the house and caught up on most of my reading list in the short while that I’ve been unemployed. However, it is boring to not have a set schedule every day, or at least a schedule of some sort, so I’ve started applying for jobs in my area that I will be able to work while attending my college classes. Ah…yes…college will be starting back up in a mere month. Yay!

No, really, I mean yay! I love school. When I was in high school, I never wanted to leave. I just enjoy learning. Of course, since graduating and attending college classes for the past few years, I have realized that I don’t need to be in school to learn. I can do it on my own! So, yay for knowledge, too!

Anyway, back to the job thing. So far, I’ve applied for errand running jobs (I’m currently employed by an old schoolmate’s step mother to drive her around once a week when she needs to run errands), babysitting/nannying, pet care, and being a server or hostess at a new restaurant opening soon by our local mall.

Other than that, my days as of late have included going up on the roof and sweeping out the gutters (one brother has a problem with heights and the other has a busy work/college summer class schedule, so I, being the only girl but the oldest, decided to do it myself. I like going up on the roof. When I was little, I would find any excuse to go up there whenever my dad, uncles, and grandfather were working on it, like bringing them water or tools, etc.. …I’m digressing again, back to my main point), pulling weeds in our front garden, cleaning my room, making trips to Goodwill to drop off donations, and reading, writing, and watching “Ducktales” still online. =P

Oh, although today I did go to a Ramen Bar in Philadelphia! Yum! It’s called Hiro Ramen and I ordered “Hiro’s Inch of Heaven” which is a Pork Soy tonkotsu (ramen soup) with egg, nori, and scallions!

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I hope you’re all doing well. Let me know how your summer holidays are going!

Look for my words again soon!

-Soleil

A Midnight Lament

I have to be up in roughly four hours. This always happens. Whenever I have to wake up extremely early like this, I get so nervous that I won’t wake up on time, or sleep through my alarm, that I have a hard time falling asleep. Then I get less sleep than I wanted, despite going to bed more than early enough. Sometimes, I wish I was like those people who can fall asleep as soon as their head hits their pillow. Must be a nice superpower to have, hm?

So, I’ve prepped a glass of warm milk to try and calm me down. I’m 3/4 through the glass and decided to write my little lament here before finishing the rest of it up.

That’s all.

Look for my words again soon!

-Soleil

Help the Homeless

Yesterday, while out with my Dad, we came across a man with a cardboard sign reading that he was homeless and needed money. Since it was such a hot day out, since I didn’t have any money, I gave him a fresh bottle of water. Today, a boy in ragged jeans and a rumply white t-shirt asked me if I had any cash so he could buy some food. I only have $2 but I gave it to him and went into the Thai and Sushi place I was picking up dinner from and charged for an extra pint of rice and a bottle of coke to give to the kid. He graciously accepted it. I would have gotten him something better, but I wasn’t sure if he had any food allergies and I figured that rice was the best option and that most people like coke. I don’t, but I figured the kid probably would. He was definitely younger than either of my brothers, and probably still in highschool.

When I was younger, I don’t remember ever seeing so many homeless and less-fortunate people in our area. Or, maybe I just didn’t notice because I was just a kid. My Dad always tells me to be careful about giving money to strangers who claim to be homeless and asking for money, that they’ll just turn around and spend it on drugs, but if I was that person out in the hot weather, I’d definitely want a nice cool water bottle. And if I was a kid who politely asked for money for food, I’d appreciate a kind gesture of rice and coke, instead.

Tomorrow, I wake up at 4 AM to begin my babysitting routine again for this week. Good thing I’m already starting to feel tired.

Also, I finished “The Bravest Princess” in E.D. Baker’s “The Wide-Awake Princess” series. It was really good. For anyone who loves fractured fairytales as much as me, I highly recommend this series, or any of the other books that E.D. Baker has written.

As stated before, I have now picked up “Puddlejumpers” by Mark Jean and Christopher C. Carlson. I’ll give an opinion about it after I get farther into it, or after I’ve finished it. At 42 chapters and 328 pages in length, it should take me about a week, if not sooner, to read. So, I’ll keep you posted on that, if you like. Let me know if you like the reviews I give about books and Netflix shows and movies in the comments below!

Look for my words again soon!

-Soleil

An Altered Schedule

Babysitting is going well and I’m proud to say I have been on time every day so far. Yay! This is a big accomplishment, as I’m not usually a morning person. Recently, I found out that I’m borderline anemic, so that could explain why I’m always tired and have trouble waking up in the morning (even after 8+ hours of sleep!).

Oh, a change in my babysitting schedule today, though! My hours have been extended to 4 AM until 4 PM due to the youngest ended up getting sick this morning. So, after cleaning up the mess…(I almost got sick myself, and the smell…yuck! I must say, I might be scarred for life and I haven’t even had kids of my own, yet!), I texted his mother and she asked if I would mind staying here with him, instead of sending him to school. I said that it was not a problem, so, here I am at their house still, taking care of him. I think he’s feeling better. He’s up and about now and hasn’t thrown up in a few hours now. He’s wandering around the house trying to find the cat, Asher.

I still have yet to make rice porridge. Our rice cooker does not have a porridge setting, so I have to use stove top directions, instead. I’ve never been a fan of stove-top-cooked rice, but for the sake of trying something new, I’ll give it a try.

Also, I need to keep working on my commission painting. I planned to do some painting today, but now my schedule is a bit changed up. Ah…I had planned on sending some updated in-progress pictures to the client today, too….

I’m still waiting to hear back from Disney about my job request. According to the Dashboard on http://www.disneycareers.com, my submission is still pending. I hope to hear back soon, though. I really do want this job. It’s my dream job. Well, it’s in God’s hands now. I can just hope and pray in the meantime.

I think, since we can’t find a controller to operate the Xbox with to put Netflix on, I’ll let him watch Netflix through his phone, and I’ll try to do some writing. Or, I’ll read. I’ve started a new book. It’s the third in the “Wide Awake Princess” series by E.D. Baker. I love E.D. Baker’s books! She mainly focuses in fractured fairytales, which are my favorite. Anyway, the third book is “The Bravest Princess”. Since I liked the previous two, I’m sure this one will meet my standards for the story-line.

Look for my words again soon!

Cheers!

-Soleil

Early to Bed, Early to Rise

Good morning one and all! Look, I did it! I got up early. My schedule may be on its way to being fixed. Haha! I am very proud of myself. I went to bed at 8 PM last night so I could get up at 4 AM today. Babysitting for the week has started, as I’m in the living room of our family friend’s house. It’s very cozy and I lke the couch. It’s soft. The kind that you can sort of sink into and get comfortable. I like it.

Outside, rain is pattering against the windows and thunder keeps rumbling lowly. Thunderstorms are expected off and on all day today, with no stop to the rain. Ah, but that’s been said before these past few weeks and then it doesn’t happen. I don’t like rainy day after rainy day until it becomes almost a week of constant rain, but I do like the occasional summer thunderstorm and rainy day. It’s refreshing.

I have an hour and a half to myself before I have to wake the first two kids up. The youngest, I have to wake up in 2 hours, though since he shares a room with his older brother, he may get up at the same time as him. Anyway, since I have some quiet time (and brought my laptop along), I figured I’d type up a nice morning post. So, hi!

Yesterday, I did not make rice porridge. I didn’t have the time. Well, I did, but I filled that with other tasks. I thinned out my Netflix list in the morning, took a sledgehammer to an old brick fireplace in our backyard (demolishing half of it. Jae finished the other half. We’ll try to take the bricks to the dump later this afternoon…weather depending and if the truck feels like starting. It’s been having battery issues lately, apparently, and is going into the shop tomorrow.), and then went to the Apple Store (45 minutes away) with my parents to have my Mac checked out. It’s a first generation MacBook Pro and the Genius at the Genius Bar was very impressed on the smoothness and speed that my Mac still runs with. I felt pretty proud when he said that. They fixed the minor problem I was having by shutting off the infared eye (The Apple TV remote my Dad bought for our TV was also controlling the sound and volume and playing and stopping and muting of my iTunes on my computer and it was driving me crazy!), removing several programs I could not get rid of myself, and removed some malware. He also ran a diagnositics test (I asked him if that were possible, since I was already there) and my Mac is in perfect health! Yay!

I’ll be leaving here around 9 AM this morning to go back home. The youngest catches his bus at about 8:45 AM. I’m not quite sure what my plans for today will be. I wanted to paint, but depending on the rain, I might not be able to open the windows to keep the room nice and airy while I paint.

Oh, also, I always find it a bit unsettling to drive so early in the morning. Since I live in a very rural area (where plots of land that don’t have a house on them are either acres upon acres of trees or open farmland), there is never anyone else on the road. While this may be safer (maybe), I find it creepy. It’s like I’m the only one. It’s a weird feeling. Luckily, I only live about 10 minutes from where I have to babysit. But, still, that 10 minutes feels awfully long at 4 AM on the dark county roads….

Look for my words again soon!

-Soleil

It’s Just an Update

If you’ll remember from my very first post here, my sleeping schedule is a bit out of whack for my current time zone since quitting my job two weeks ago. Despite this, I have volunteered myself to babysit for a family friend from 5 AM to 9AM to wake up her three children, feed them, and get them ready and on the bus for school in the mornings since she has to start work early. I start Monday. …Ah, I think this will be a rough week that is approaching. Luckily, though, it is only for two weeks until school is finished for the summer. That being said, since I need an income, even if a slight one, I don’t mind doing this favor for her.

Also, as of yet, I have not heard anything back from the Disney Professional Internship that I applied to, except a “Do-Not-Reply” email stating that they received my submission and that my info will be looked over soon. This, I suppose, is good news, since no news is good news, or so they say. I really want this internship position. It would be such a great oppourtunity for me. Plus, I’m already practically living in California’s time zone anyway what with my sleeping pattern (ah, yes, back on that again.)

Oh, and I finished “24 girls in 7 days” last night. I think if I rated it on a scale of 1 to 10, I’d give it a 7. It really kept you guessing until the end, which was nice. Plus, it had a sweet ending. So, I would recommend it. Also, the author, Alex Bradley, is a man, not a girl. Since I previously hadn’t been sure and had been too tired/lazy at the time to check, I figured I’d fill you guys in now and let you know. Now, I need to pick my next book to read. I have a stack to chose from, so I’ll let you know.

Look for my words soon.

-Soleil