Tag Archives: Family

Updatey Update! =D

Hey!

I don’t know why, but for the past two weeks, my little bell notification at the upper righthand screen wasn’t working! I would click on the bell when it had an orange dot and it would just take forever to load and never show me anything. So, if any of you liked one of my posts, or commented, or started to follow me in this time frame, I had no idea and I am sorry! I never want you guys to feel like I’m ignoring you. I love you guys! You’re the bestest of the best! So, I just wanted to give you all a friendly heads up.

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In other news, school is going fantastically! Well…not really. I’ve had to drop to courses already due to some personal stuff that’s been going on and that leaves me with two left: Public Speaking and Astronomy. With the school semester almost half over (about 7 more weeks to go, everyone!) I’m really hoping I can at least keep these two. I really, really, want to graduate and get school done and over with!

Did I ever mention that I’m 25 and STILL in school? Ugh, I hate it. It’s such a bummer. I’m tired of being in school (but don’t get me wrong, I LOVE school and learning!), it’s just that I’m so tired of being the last of my friends to still have to be in school. Paying out of pocket so as to procure less university debt in the long wrong is such a pain when you’re the oldest person in almost all of your classes. Plus, being in school hinders me in a work sense, too, because I have to co-ordinate my work schedule around my school classes. That in itself is a pain, too.

Anyway, speaking of work, I’m about to start now, so I should get going. Let’s chat later!

Look for my words again soon!

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-Soleil

Helping the Homeless Again and a GoFundMe for Me

Good evening one and all!

I have been lectured by both of my (younger) brother’s for giving a homeless 20-year old boy a ride from the Taco Bell to the local diner down the street. I am a girl, I was alone (well, I had the dog with me), and I didn’t know the kid.

First, yes, I am a girl, but that is irrelevant. This kid needed a ride and that’s it. He didn’t look dangerous (and, yes, you can spout all of the “don’t judge a book by it’s cover” stuff, but I just had this vibe that he wasn’t going to be a bad guy, and you know what? He wasn’t). This poor kid is the same age as my youngest brother. Of course I’m going to give him a ride because it was freezing cold the other day thanks to all of the rain we’d been getting, and all he had was a tank-top and torn jeans. He even had the politeness of manners to introduce himself (his name was Ed) and ask if we could put the radio on because he missed listening to music (instead of just changing what I was listening to from my phone, which was movie soundtracks, by the way, haha!). Anyway, it was two miles down the road, and it was a cold and miserable day, so I gave him a ride to his destination and made it home alive.

I think it’s really sad that because of a lot of bad things that go on in the world, when people are confronted with something like this in their daily lives, they’d rather look the other way and pretend they don’t see these homeless people. That we make excuses that a majority of homeless people aren’t really homeless, but pretending. But what if that ONE kid or person that you turn away really IS HOMELESS? How would you feel then, if you really knew that and that when they asked for your help, you turned them away?

All I know is that if I was homeless, or if that kid had been my youngest brother, I would want help. If it was cold and all I wanted was a ride to somewhere I could go inside and sit to warm up for a bit, that’s all I’d like.

So, I helped the kid. I wasn’t murdered. I didn’t die. I dropped him off and gave him $3 so he could get a coffee or a soup from inside, and then I went on with the rest of my day. Heck, I even checked in the back of my car to see if I had a sweater I could give him! I didn’t and I wish I had. I went to the local Goodwill this week and bought two sweaters. If I see Ed again, I’m going to give them to him so he has something as the weather is getting colder, especially at night.

I have a feeling I’ll see him around town again. He’s the same person I gave those waters and granola bars to back in the summer. He was wearing the same clothes then as he was last week. I doubt he’s pretending. Even if he is, and you can call me gullible, at least my conscious feels satisfied that I helped another human being who asked for a favor and needed the assistance. I feel good about what I did and that is all I care about.

That is all…on that topic, anyway.

On to my second topic of the night!

As an art major, I find myself worrying more and more, as graduation from my university looms ever closer, that I will have great difficulty in finding work in my field of study. Despite this, I have no regret for choosing art, because it is what I love and I know that in time, I will get a job in this field, doing what I want to do.

However, after much discussion with my parents, I have decided that perhaps a “fall-back plan” would be essential, so that if I cannot find work immediately in my field, I can have something to do so I can pay back my college loans until I can get an art job. Because, let’s face it, I can’t keep doing odd-jobs for the rest of my life, and I certainly won’t be able to make enough money to pay off my college loans by doing said odd-jobs.

That being said, I have decided to become a Certified Massage Therapist because I have always been interested in natural medicine and remedies and I can help people with relieving their stress and sports/related injuries at the same time. The only problem is that the program to become certified is expensive. $5,500 expensive! So, I have set up a GoFundMe account. I’m not here to beg for you to give me money. All I want to say is that if you have a penny to spare, could you spare it to me? Benjamin Franklin said: “A penny saved is a penny earned” and I’d like to earn the use of this penny to stabilize myself after school.

I have a link below that will take you to my GoFundMe account page if you want to help:

http://www.gofundme.com/MassageTherapyFund

Thanks so much everyone!

Look for my words again soon!

-Soleil/Tara

(Because P.S.: At this point, you should know that my real name is Tara, because that’s the name I have on my GoFundMe. I chose to use the name Soleil for my blogging life because it’s the name my parents almost gave me and I think it’s adorable.)

Cheers!

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Insecurity: A Daunting Companion

I am secretly insecure. About a lot of things. Sure, I’m the chipper, go-to gal amongst all of my friends and family, too. I’m always ready to lend a helping hand, whether it be running your errands for you, to babysitting your kid, to helping out with homework or housework or yardwork. Optimism is my middle name, mostly. I always have a ready smile and I always have something to laugh about.

But deep down, WAY deep down the darkness known as fear weaves me in a tighter web. I think this is the source my anxiety feeds on. This internal fear that I hide away so well from so many people that they don’t even know I have this problem until someone I’m close to (like my mother, for instance) tells them.

What am I insecure about? Many things. I’ve touched on them briefly in previous posts. Like how I’m 25, have only ever had one “serious” relationship (which only lasted 6 months), fear that I’ll never find “the one”, and I’ll die old and alone. That I’m still a student at university and already owe up to 16,000$+ in student loan debt and I still have, at least, 3 more semesters to study through in order to get my degree. How I currently have no “actual” job, but rather a variety of odd-end side jobs that don’t offer 401K’s, or retirement plans, or insurance and health plans. I’m not on a payroll!

I am a 25 year old university student working odd jobs that don’t offer steady payroll or benefits, making at least $1.50 more than New Jersey’s current minimum wage per hour, have 6 student loans, 2 credit card bills, and 1 car payment (plus $300 for insurance every 2.5 months), a cell phone bill, and only $40 in my savings account.

I’m afraid I’ll never be financially secure and that I’ll have to live with my parents for the rest of my life. It’s such a frightening idea, not because I don’t like them (because I do) but because I know they can’t afford to support me now, let alone for the rest of their lives! Besides, guys tend to shy away when I say I still live with my parents due to my financial situation.

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I’m afraid I won’t find a good job after college. (I mean, who wants to hire an art major nowadays? I think I picked a crappy major). I’m afraid that I’ll only find mediocre jobs that don’t pay well and don’t offer the benefits necessary to live in today’s world. I’m afraid that I’ll never make enough money to pay off my debts. I’m afraid that I’ll never make enough to get a house, to get married, to start a family. I can’t even try to travel because that’s too expensive!!!

Every day I hear on the news about America’s economy and how people are struggling. How the middle class is shrinking and the lower class is growing in size. How it costs a middle-class family over $105,000 to support a family of 4 per year! How one 19 year old student in North Jersey already owes $60,000+ in student debt and still has 2 more years of college to go. That’s ridiculous!

I know my situation could be worse so for the fact that it is not so horrible is a blessing and a slight relief, but that fear still grips me. It’s always there, a dim, nibbling presence in my mind and it’s scary!

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So now you know a bit more about me. And what I’m afraid of. I feel like we’ve bonded. Thanks for listening….

Look for my words again soon.

-Soleil

The Spongebob Quote Goes “My Leg!”

My leg, it hurts. Ow, ow, ow. I’ve been groaning about my leg for about ten minutes now. I feel like the fish on Spongebob, who, no matter what happens but in every catastrophe on the show, cries:

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Like a fool who doesn’t like to to take medication, I didn’t fill my pain medication. I only filled the inflammation medicine. So, I’m resorting to icing. While this is a temporary relief, it is better than nothing.

In other news, I’m watching “Maleficent” with my parents (it’s not like I can go out anywhere). I did give it a rather strict review in a previous post once and that wasn’t even my full review of it. Anyway, watching it a second time, it does have its charm and graces, good animation and fair cast, but I’m still not a fan of how they humanized Maleficent.

In other, other news, I’m looking for a Critique Partner (aka CP) for my book I’ve been writing. I posted a classified ad on another wordpress blog, so let’s see what comes up. If any of you ahve suggestions, I’d be glad to hear them. I’ll keep writing after the movie.

Look for my words again soon.

-Soleil

What Is This?

Tonight, the topic of conversation between my parents is my wedding.

They’re planning it.

giphyI don’t even have a boyfriend! Did they secretly find my blog between now and yesterday and read my last post?

Ah…but they reassure me it’s just a “future planning” thing and that they are including my brother’s weddings, too. For instance, what to do if one of the three of us, or two of us, or all three of us get married in the next three years. Since Jae and I are still single, and Kit is the only one with a serious relationship (going on 4 years now), I think they only have one wedding to plan in the near future.

This doesn’t bother me that they are discussing these sorts of plans…it’s that they’re pairing me with a guy they approve of for me as my husband for the planning.

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Of course he is a nice kid and the boy of my discussion yesterday (Ant, I’m talking about Ant!)…but it just seems awfully coincidental. Actually…I did ask God for a sign. Is this it? Is this my sign? It’s a rather obvious one if it is.

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Look for my words again soon!

-Soleil

Love: A Serious Topic

Love has many definitions, but sometimes I struggle to find which kind I have and who it’s for. If you type the word “love” into dictionary.com or just look it up the old-fashioned way in a paper dictionary (no problems there), you get a handful of definitions. For example:

1. a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
2. a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for parent, child, or friend.
3. sexual passion or desire.
4. a person toward whom love is felt; beloved person; sweetheart.

But when couples say they are “in love” are they describing love as the description of #3 or something closer to #4? Does it start as #3 and grow into #4? Can it be vice versa?

I think all love is different and it grows in many ways. My problem is, I want that special kind of relationship that other loving couples have. But when it comes down to it, I wonder, how serious am I about the person in terms of my affections, or is my desire to be in a relationship the stronger feeling?

I suppose it’s sad to wonder that. Well, I know it is, actually. But, I also guess that a lot of people feel that way, but very few are willing to admit it.

Let’s face it. The human world has almost always pushed people to pair off. It’s the way of nature. It’s the way of survival. It’s the way of life. No one wants to be alone, not deep down, not really, truly alone.

So, in the end, is it that desire to not be alone, to have someone by your side to share your life with, or is it love? Is it both? Why not? It very well could be. It very well could be not. I think it all depends on the people in the relationship. I’ve seen them thrive, I’ve seen them fall.

And I still want it.

I want to fall madly, deeply in love with someone. I want to have that special spark, that connection, with someone I can trust, I can love, I can raise a family with, I can grow old with. I want someone to help me when I have troubles, I want to share support with them. I want to feel needed. I want to feel loved. I have love I want to share. I want someone who understands me and will let me grow to understand them in turn.

That’s a lot to ask for.

The problem is, really, I wonder if I’ve had that all along with this one person. I know how he feels about me, even my parents know how he feels about me. To quote my father: “When we were spending time together over the holiday and he was visiting us at our home, they way he would look at you when you weren’t watching, it was like you were the only one in the room.”

Is it ridiculous to assume that I have had what I’ve been looking for my entire adult life and am only now seeing that truth?

So why is it that I constantly find reasons to tell myself I can’t be with him? When we dated in high school for a month, I ended it because I felt like we could only be friends. But at the time when we started our relationship, I had a crush on someone in my school (we went to separate schools), so did I just never give him the chance?

When high school finished and he went into the military and was transferred to all sorts of bases around the country and world to train, I couldn’t date him, not in a long-distance relationship. Just, no.

So, when he graduated from his military training and was officially stationed at a base, no more than an hour and a half via plane, why not then? I never made enough money for a plane ticket. It would still be long-distance. I am afraid of flying alone!

But, how stupid are those excuses, really? Why do I make them? I know I feel something for him, but I don’t know which definition it falls under. I can’t discern it clearly enough to be sure. But when I think about it, he fits everything I’ve ever wanted:

He makes me laugh. He has since we met back in pre-school, continued to do so as we grew up together, and still does now. I know I can trust him. He understands me. He knows that when I’m writing or working on artwork that I need my space. He doesn’t try to get in my face or constantly vie for my attention like past relationship partners. He gives me my space to work. And, honestly, I see that we could have a future together and have a family and grow old together and be content.

Content.

It’s that word, right there that makes me wonder. Is it really love? Or am I just so tired of looking and waiting for my “knight-in-shining-armor” that I’m settling?

But, crap, what if it’s love and I don’t realize it. Crap, crap, crap, just…merde.

That’s my daily rant.

Look for my words again soon.

-Soleil

Playing Catch-Up

Shops and Restaurants and Cafes line Asbury Avenue in Ocean City’s Downtown. They and the street buzz with activity as locals and tourists visit during the summer holiday. Trees offer shade at the shopfronts and sidewalks allow for easy comfort and separation from the road traffic.

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Pretty flowers lined this sign! I wish I knew what kind they were. My parents said they might be geraniums, or some type of them. I wish I knew for sure…. Do any of you know what kind of flowers these are?:

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I really wanted to eat at this cafe:

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It’s called “Ma France Crêperie”, which translates to “My France Crêperie”. Very simple. But, they were only open from 8AM – 3PM. Not that this was an absurd time window, but I just always found myself remembering this place after 3PM. -sigh- Perhaps next time I can try to eat there. I love crêpes! I also wanted to eat at a restaurant called “The Chatterbox” which even has dog-friendly patio seating outside! But, alas, no one wanted to go with me and I didn’t want to go alone. -sigh again-

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Oh! It rained on…Tuesday, I think…and, afterwards, there was this GORGEOUS double rainbow! Of course, the second rainbow is very faint, but it’s there, barely visible on the righthand side.

See for yourselves!:

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Also, after the storms, the clouds looked like they had been painted into the sky:

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Literally, I thought they looked like clouds painted on a canvas in a rococo style, like “The Swing” by French artist, Jean-Honoré Fragonard, and “Jupiter in the Guise of Diana and the Nymph Callisto” by, also French artist, François Boucher. The paintings are light and airy and the light and colors are emphasized. Rococo is a late-Baroque period style of painting that I am in love with.

Also, we played a lot of Scrabble on this trip. It was one of the boardgames supplied at the beach house for rainy days or just general fun, as we found it. I love Scrabble. I love creating words out of the tiles. It’s sort of like my love for crossword puzzles. I think the two might be related somehow, though the love for it is the same. Here’s one of our games after we had played all of our tiles:

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Let’s see…what else? Ah, there was one night where when I was walking on the beach after dark and it was low tide, that I came across one of the jetty’s on the beach and found life! I found rock after rock covered with little mussel shells! It was fascinating!

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I thought it was spectacular and was a bit sad to leave the little creatures to go back to the beach house. They bubbled when you ran your fingers across them and they grew in great patches across the large rocks!

Then there was a “Baby Parade“. The 106th annual baby parade held in Ocean City at the boardwalk. The only thing I took a picture of was that, at some point in the parade, there was a Scottish Pipe and Drum band. I love Scottish Pipe and Drum bands….they call themselves the “Sand Pipers” (after the bird, get it, haha) and they were playing “Danny Boy”, so I simply had to snap a photo:

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Also, I believe I mentioned that my family and I rode around on the boardwalk yesterday morning in a surry. Here’s a photo I asked one of the attendants to take when we arrived back at the surry shop:

IMG_2261I’m the one sitting right up front with the tropical shirt. My brother Kit is sitting behind me with his glasses and scruffy beard. Then in the second row, it’s my mom and dad, and Kit’s girlfriend. Oh, her name is Sydney, by the way.

This morning, I had some very delicious Eggs Benedict for breakfast. If you ever meet me and want to make a good impression, take me out for breakfast and order me Eggs Benedict. I may very well love you forever.

IMG_2262Also, there was this adorable little teapot that they gave me when I ordered hot tea! See?:

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Actually, I’m not sure that I would call it a teapot…maybe a tea canister? Anyway, it’s adorable and I want one! But…I don’t know what it’s called so I’m not sure how to search for it!

-sniff sniff- The Doctor knows how I feel! -sobs in a corner- I really would love this glass tea brewer!

Well, those are all of my photos that I took while on my very lovely family vacation. I hope you all had a great week because I sure did!

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Look for my words again soon!

-Soleil

Updates Are So Fun!

I have a couple of good photos to share with everyone! So, as soon as my phone is done charging, I will upload them. I hope you guys don’t mind the extended wait.

In other news, I’m home from vacation and I’ve already booked a flight to go to Myrtle Beach and Charleston, South Carolina for Labor Day weekend! I’m pretty excited since I’m flying down there to spend some time with a great friend of mine. His name is Ant, and we’ve known one another since we were 3. We started school together in pre-school and he lived around the corner from me for practically my whole life. He’s a great kid, but since he’s in the Air Force, he lives in SC now. So, I’m flying down to go visit him, yay!

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Look for my words again soon!

-Soleil

Beni’s Walk, Emma, and ED Baker

Good afternoon world!

Day Six of our family vacation is in full swing! While my parents and brother and his girlfriend and her two sisters are at the beach (see, we only have 6 beach tags, so one of us had to stay behind…. Side Rant: I think it’s quite incredulous that you need to buy tags to go onto a beach. A beach should be public property where families and friends can go to relax. But, no, some towns and cities actually charge you to use their beaches! How demanding! What is this world coming to?). Ahem, anyway. I decided to walk Beni around town while they enjoy the sun and surf. I’m pretty beached out anyway and could use a day to relax from the surf, sand, and sun.

Beni and I made plenty of friends on our walk today. She is an ever-popular dog. I guess it helps that she’s super adorable and very socialable and friendly. I walked her 10 blocks to Starbucks. Once there, the lady at the window where I placed my order for iced green tea gave me a treat for Beni. That was nice. She asked if I was a dog walker, because when I went to this same Starbucks and this same girl was my server earlier in the week, I had been walking Leila, then. I told her no, I just have different dogs, haha! Beni and I then sat at a table outside and relaxed in the shade of the awning over the building while I drank my tea. I have a portable dog bowl that folds up, so I undid that and gave Beni some fresh, cool water to drink, too.

While I sat there, I met two men who are here on vacation from Albania! I thought at first that they were speaking French, and when I said that, the one guy snorted into his drink. I guess he found it funny. But they were speaking Albanian! I’m just glad they weren’t speaking French because I thought for a moment that maybe I forgot all that I’ve learned and practiced when I couldn’t quite make out what they were saying.

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Well, that being said, once Beni and I were done with our drinks and our break, I walked her 10 blocks back to our shore house. Now, she’s passed out on our couch, sleeping. What a cutie.

I found a new webcomic! It’s called “Emma”! Well, actually, DeviantArt introduced me to it, but that’s beside the point (or is it? Hm….). Here’s the link, so check it out: Emma: The Online Comic.

I think that’s it for now? Other than that, I’m reading E.D. Baker’s “The Frog Princess” series. Did you know that her book is what Disney’s “The Frog Princess” was based off of? It was written back in the early 2000s. Since I have to wait for October for the other book in her newer series to come out, I figured I’d re-read her first series since I:

  1. Can’t quite remember it. And….
  2. Am not quite sure that I ever finished the whole series.

I’m off to do some more reading (and writing probably). I’ll post some more pictures from my vacation later.

Look for my words again soon!

-Soleil

Vacation Update

Hello everyone!

So, I’ve finally figured out how to get the internet working at my beach house rental. Whew, that only took 3.75 days to do! Well, in the meantime, I’ve been taking pictures to share since I couldn’t figure out how to post. Now that I can get on, here are the photos I’ve taken already:

IMG_2223On my first day here, I was walking down the boardwalk and happened to look out at the beach and I saw this awesome sandcastle! Apparently it was done as a Chevrolet advertisement, because the base the castle stood on had their logo carved into it. I just thought the castle looked amazing!

IMG_2224Later when I came back to the house from the beach and boardwalk, Kit’s girlfriend ask me to draw a caricature of her, so she wouldn’t have to pay $25+ for one on the boardwalk. This is my sketch of her in purple and pink ink (since those were the only pen colors we had at the time). She likes butterflies so I drew her as a butterfly fairy. She loved it. Isn’t she cute?

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Finally, at the end of our first day here at the shore, we went on the Ferris Wheel together. It was a lot of fun. I even took a picture of myself to share:IMG_2231See? I really am a dork. Haha! I’m all aglow with green and orange from the lights on the ride. Plus there’s a silly glare across my face. It looks awesome! I’m such a silly billy, haha!

Look for my words again soon!

-Soleil