Tag Archives: Mindfullness

Who am I?

Despite my last post and efforts, I have become addicted to Bollywood movies. Recently, I watched one called Ek Main Aur Ekk Tu and the opening song sort of struck on a chord. View the song here, courtesy of a YouTube upload.

The lyrics follow as:
As are the days, so are the nights, everything looks loose…
Even the sky looks a little less blue…
Life, sometimes,
Is a little full, is sometimes empty,
I know my name, but I don’t know who I am…
I know where my home is, but I don’t know who I am…
Who am I, who…
As are the days, so are the nights,
Everything looks loose…
Even the sky looks a little less blue…
Looks loose…

The lyrics I’ve made bold are the ones I found relatable. I’m not sure why but they really stuck to me, made me contemplate some things about myself.

I feel like, in today’s world, it is easy to get lost, swept up in the fast-pace of things and wrapped up in stuff that would otherwise be unnecessary.

Becoming lost is the easy part.

Finding who you are is the journey.

I do know my name and I do know where my home is, but if you asked me who I was, I would give you the generic response: “I am an art major trying to graduate and someday I’d like to be a Disney artist”, whereas the real, truthful answer is: “I don’t know who I am. I’m still looking.”

I know that I am studying art at university but I often wonder if it is the proper path. When I sit and muse over my life so far, the choices I have made, the studies I have engaged in, I begin to doubt that I have chosen correctly.

And that scares me.

Let’s go over facts: I am twenty-five and still live at home with my parents and siblings. I currently have no proper career that can give me the guarantee or safety of any kind of insurance and I’m studying for a degree that will give me access to a slim array of positions once I do graduate this upcoming Fall semester. The probability that I will land a successful and albeit decent art career are slim to none. Certainly, I will not get something that can offer me the insurance I so desperately need, nor the pay scale to even consider trying to live on my own, let alone survive.

That terrifies me.

It’s a big jump, from scared to terrified, you know, and when these dark and foreboding thoughts do worm their way back up from where I’ve tried to bury them away in the deepest corners of my mind, I feel even more lost than I normally do.

And that makes me stop and think and wonder: “What can I do?”, “What can I accomplish?”

But I have no answers.

It’s practically the same feeling as being stuck, of feeling stagnant and unmoving in my life (which I covered in a previous post here).

To be honest, my life is rather boring. I’m not an exceptionally exciting person. I live in an extremely rural area (as I have mentioned before) where the nearest shopping is at least a half hour drive, and even the options offered are minimal. The more you want, the farther away you have to drive.

I’d rather stay home than go out.

I have two friends within easy travel distance but our schedules keep us apart. My other friends live, spread across the wide world and we can only communicate through messages.

My biggest entertainment is my own wild imagination, where I can live the exciting life I am always dreaming about, and I make no efforts to turn my imagination into reality. That is my failing. And that is my triumph.

I am still learning, still discovering who I am and what makes me, what drives me, what limits me, what makes me soar.

But I am still lost and my journey is still ongoing.

So the big question is put simply, but the answer is seemingly impossible and limitless: “Who am I?”


It’s All About Mindfullness?

So, recently I’ve been wanting to try meditation, but it seems that every time I try to sit down and do it, I end up giving up after a minute. What am I supposed to do??? I have no clue. Do I just sit there with my legs crossed and go “Ohm…ohm…ohm?” for hours on end? Do I sit there and think about myself? About others? About life? About…nothing? Are you supposed to focus on something, or nothing?

So, today I asked a counselor at my University about it. Thought I’d reach out for recommendations. She told me that there’s no real right or wrong way to go about meditation. She said it’s more about mindfullness and being able to focus on the Now.

Basically, her explanation is that meditation is a sort of way to enable our bodies and minds to focus on what is happening in the now. She suggested I look at it as experiencing things with my senses. When I sit down to the meditate ask myself: What do I hear? What do I see? What do I smell? Can I taste anything? Can I feel anything? Then, describe each thing in turn to myself. It’s a way to make yourself more aware of your surroundings and focus on what is going on at that exact moment. It’s not about thinking about yourself or other things, but a way to ground yourself.

Does that make sense to you? It did to me. So, next time I try to meditate, I’ll be using the Five Sense Mindfullness technique that my counselor suggested to me. Should I let you know how my next attempt goes? Maybe I will. If you answer those 5 questions for me now:

Right now, for the next 5 minutes, what do you:






I’d love to know!


Look for my words again soon!