Focus, Focus…Procrastination.

The thing about NaNoWriMo is that I know that I’m supposed to write. The problem is that I keep thinking of ideas for my Wholock fanfic comic instead of for my story I’m trying to write. So, I feel like this every time I sit down to make myself work on my book:

Blarg! Since it’s only the end of the first week, I’m hoping to have a great catch-up day where I am inspired with a bunch of ideas for my book not my comic and do a lot of typing! Because, currently, my ETC (estimated time of completion) on the NaNoWriMo website says I’ll finish my 50,000 word total by December 15th. That’s 15 days after the 30 day deadline!

Look for my words again soon!

-Soleil

Updatey Update! =D

Hey!

I don’t know why, but for the past two weeks, my little bell notification at the upper righthand screen wasn’t working! I would click on the bell when it had an orange dot and it would just take forever to load and never show me anything. So, if any of you liked one of my posts, or commented, or started to follow me in this time frame, I had no idea and I am sorry! I never want you guys to feel like I’m ignoring you. I love you guys! You’re the bestest of the best! So, I just wanted to give you all a friendly heads up.

In other news, school is going fantastically! Well…not really. I’ve had to drop to courses already due to some personal stuff that’s been going on and that leaves me with two left: Public Speaking and Astronomy. With the school semester almost half over (about 7 more weeks to go, everyone!) I’m really hoping I can at least keep these two. I really, really, want to graduate and get school done and over with!

Did I ever mention that I’m 25 and STILL in school? Ugh, I hate it. It’s such a bummer. I’m tired of being in school (but don’t get me wrong, I LOVE school and learning!), it’s just that I’m so tired of being the last of my friends to still have to be in school. Paying out of pocket so as to procure less university debt in the long wrong is such a pain when you’re the oldest person in almost all of your classes. Plus, being in school hinders me in a work sense, too, because I have to co-ordinate my work schedule around my school classes. That in itself is a pain, too.

Anyway, speaking of work, I’m about to start now, so I should get going. Let’s chat later!

Look for my words again soon!

-Soleil

Helping the Homeless Again and a GoFundMe for Me

Good evening one and all!

I have been lectured by both of my (younger) brother’s for giving a homeless 20-year old boy a ride from the Taco Bell to the local diner down the street. I am a girl, I was alone (well, I had the dog with me), and I didn’t know the kid.

First, yes, I am a girl, but that is irrelevant. This kid needed a ride and that’s it. He didn’t look dangerous (and, yes, you can spout all of the “don’t judge a book by it’s cover” stuff, but I just had this vibe that he wasn’t going to be a bad guy, and you know what? He wasn’t). This poor kid is the same age as my youngest brother. Of course I’m going to give him a ride because it was freezing cold the other day thanks to all of the rain we’d been getting, and all he had was a tank-top and torn jeans. He even had the politeness of manners to introduce himself (his name was Ed) and ask if we could put the radio on because he missed listening to music (instead of just changing what I was listening to from my phone, which was movie soundtracks, by the way, haha!). Anyway, it was two miles down the road, and it was a cold and miserable day, so I gave him a ride to his destination and made it home alive.

I think it’s really sad that because of a lot of bad things that go on in the world, when people are confronted with something like this in their daily lives, they’d rather look the other way and pretend they don’t see these homeless people. That we make excuses that a majority of homeless people aren’t really homeless, but pretending. But what if that ONE kid or person that you turn away really IS HOMELESS? How would you feel then, if you really knew that and that when they asked for your help, you turned them away?

All I know is that if I was homeless, or if that kid had been my youngest brother, I would want help. If it was cold and all I wanted was a ride to somewhere I could go inside and sit to warm up for a bit, that’s all I’d like.

So, I helped the kid. I wasn’t murdered. I didn’t die. I dropped him off and gave him $3 so he could get a coffee or a soup from inside, and then I went on with the rest of my day. Heck, I even checked in the back of my car to see if I had a sweater I could give him! I didn’t and I wish I had. I went to the local Goodwill this week and bought two sweaters. If I see Ed again, I’m going to give them to him so he has something as the weather is getting colder, especially at night.

I have a feeling I’ll see him around town again. He’s the same person I gave those waters and granola bars to back in the summer. He was wearing the same clothes then as he was last week. I doubt he’s pretending. Even if he is, and you can call me gullible, at least my conscious feels satisfied that I helped another human being who asked for a favor and needed the assistance. I feel good about what I did and that is all I care about.

That is all…on that topic, anyway.

On to my second topic of the night!

As an art major, I find myself worrying more and more, as graduation from my university looms ever closer, that I will have great difficulty in finding work in my field of study. Despite this, I have no regret for choosing art, because it is what I love and I know that in time, I will get a job in this field, doing what I want to do.

However, after much discussion with my parents, I have decided that perhaps a “fall-back plan” would be essential, so that if I cannot find work immediately in my field, I can have something to do so I can pay back my college loans until I can get an art job. Because, let’s face it, I can’t keep doing odd-jobs for the rest of my life, and I certainly won’t be able to make enough money to pay off my college loans by doing said odd-jobs.

That being said, I have decided to become a Certified Massage Therapist because I have always been interested in natural medicine and remedies and I can help people with relieving their stress and sports/related injuries at the same time. The only problem is that the program to become certified is expensive. $5,500 expensive! So, I have set up a GoFundMe account. I’m not here to beg for you to give me money. All I want to say is that if you have a penny to spare, could you spare it to me? Benjamin Franklin said: “A penny saved is a penny earned” and I’d like to earn the use of this penny to stabilize myself after school.

I have a link below that will take you to my GoFundMe account page if you want to help:

http://www.gofundme.com/MassageTherapyFund

Thanks so much everyone!

Look for my words again soon!

-Soleil/Tara

(Because P.S.: At this point, you should know that my real name is Tara, because that’s the name I have on my GoFundMe. I chose to use the name Soleil for my blogging life because it’s the name my parents almost gave me and I think it’s adorable.)

Cheers!

Insecurity: A Daunting Companion

I am secretly insecure. About a lot of things. Sure, I’m the chipper, go-to gal amongst all of my friends and family, too. I’m always ready to lend a helping hand, whether it be running your errands for you, to babysitting your kid, to helping out with homework or housework or yardwork. Optimism is my middle name, mostly. I always have a ready smile and I always have something to laugh about.

But deep down, WAY deep down the darkness known as fear weaves me in a tighter web. I think this is the source my anxiety feeds on. This internal fear that I hide away so well from so many people that they don’t even know I have this problem until someone I’m close to (like my mother, for instance) tells them.

What am I insecure about? Many things. I’ve touched on them briefly in previous posts. Like how I’m 25, have only ever had one “serious” relationship (which only lasted 6 months), fear that I’ll never find “the one”, and I’ll die old and alone. That I’m still a student at university and already owe up to 16,000$+ in student loan debt and I still have, at least, 3 more semesters to study through in order to get my degree. How I currently have no “actual” job, but rather a variety of odd-end side jobs that don’t offer 401K’s, or retirement plans, or insurance and health plans. I’m not on a payroll!

I am a 25 year old university student working odd jobs that don’t offer steady payroll or benefits, making at least $1.50 more than New Jersey’s current minimum wage per hour, have 6 student loans, 2 credit card bills, and 1 car payment (plus $300 for insurance every 2.5 months), a cell phone bill, and only $40 in my savings account.

I’m afraid I’ll never be financially secure and that I’ll have to live with my parents for the rest of my life. It’s such a frightening idea, not because I don’t like them (because I do) but because I know they can’t afford to support me now, let alone for the rest of their lives! Besides, guys tend to shy away when I say I still live with my parents due to my financial situation.

I’m afraid I won’t find a good job after college. (I mean, who wants to hire an art major nowadays? I think I picked a crappy major). I’m afraid that I’ll only find mediocre jobs that don’t pay well and don’t offer the benefits necessary to live in today’s world. I’m afraid that I’ll never make enough money to pay off my debts. I’m afraid that I’ll never make enough to get a house, to get married, to start a family. I can’t even try to travel because that’s too expensive!!!

Every day I hear on the news about America’s economy and how people are struggling. How the middle class is shrinking and the lower class is growing in size. How it costs a middle-class family over $105,000 to support a family of 4 per year! How one 19 year old student in North Jersey already owes $60,000+ in student debt and still has 2 more years of college to go. That’s ridiculous!

I know my situation could be worse so for the fact that it is not so horrible is a blessing and a slight relief, but that fear still grips me. It’s always there, a dim, nibbling presence in my mind and it’s scary!

So now you know a bit more about me. And what I’m afraid of. I feel like we’ve bonded. Thanks for listening….

Look for my words again soon.

-Soleil

Comic Collaboration: A Word To My Fellow WordPress Bloggers

I have, for some time, sincerely wished to start an online webcomic through my Deviant Art account page. However, I’m seriously lacking in the digital art field. So, while I can come up with all of these great story ideas to write about, and I can hand-draw my sketches and outlines for my comic, I cannot digitally ink or color it. I just don’t know how.

I have watched tutorial after tutorial and I STILL get it all wrong when I finally sit down to try it. My attempts always come out very poor. It’s very discouraging and I just end up frustrated.

I have tried, for some time now, too, over the summer, to ask fellow artists on Deviant Art if anyone would be willing to collaborate with me. I would do all of the story writing and I can handle designs, and then I can pass these drafts on to my collaboration partner to create a digital version of it that we can then upload onto Deviant Art for others to enjoy.

However, no one has responded to my asking and I grow disheartened still. So, let me ask you, WordPress community and fellow bloggers: Are any of you interested in helping me to create a webcomic we can publish to Deviant Art? Are any of you willing to be the digital artist while I am the writer and designer?

Please let me know with a comment below.

Sincerely,

Soleil

Wholock: Yay for Effort…. What?

I’m tired.

I’m also bad at going to bed early when I’m tired like this and know for a fact that I have to wake up at a decent time the next morning. This being said, I still decided to jump on here and post to you guys. See, I’m not good at this bedtime thing.

I was just sitting here at my desk thinking about how much I like it. I was also thinking about how I want to upload some more work to my DeviantArt account sometime this week. You see, I’ve been slacking on uploading my artwork and that’s bad. I should start giving myself deadlines. What else…? Oh, I’ve started a Doctor Who/Sherlock fanfiction, which I upload to my DA, as well. (If you’d like me to share the link to my DA accout, please let me know.)

Oh, it’s “Wholock” to be precise…that specific pairing of shows. I don’t know. Apparently it’s a thing and I decided that I liked the idea, so I’m going with it and seeing what I can come up with. Yay for effort! (Haha, see the pun there, well, not a pun, but the rhyme. Instead of “A for effort” it’s “Yay for effort”. Ahem, yes, this is my rant today. Random as always!)

Look for my words again soon!

-Soleil

This Needs a Better Title….

Today I feel a bit lazy. Although, I did make myself go out and buy a hulahoop and jump rope and a frisbee disk to play with. They’re all good ways to keep active!

Since I have no plans to go out tonight, I think I’ll work one a new illustration for my Deviant Art account. It’s been about a week since I’ve upload a new piece there.

Last night, I went to the Hotel Monaco in Philadelphia:

It’s located in the Philly Downtown, right by Independence Hall. It’s a cute little neighborhood, Old City, I mean. If I had the money, that might be the only part in Philadelphia I would ever feel comfortable living in.

I went to the hotel to meet my boss (yes, I have a job finally! I am now an Interior Design Assistant) at the rooftop lounge and bar, Stratus:

It was so pretty! She asked me to meet her there because there was an NEWH networking event going on and she wanted to introduce me to vendors that she works with and allow me to get a feel of some of the things we’ll be doing. We start two jobs very soon, so we’re prepping to get ready, yay!

Look for my words again soon!

-Soleil

What’s In A Name?: A Custom Design Commission!

Today I finished painting the name onto the boat, as I had planned. So….TA-DA:

Since the sailboat is a Western White Potter sailboat, they decided to name it Harry’s Potter, you know, after the Harry Potter books and movies. I’m pretty sure that I said that in my previous post…. XD

Anyway, that’s my design and they love it! So, yay! Got a portion of my payment today and picking up the rest tomorrow. I’m also going to Red Robin tomorrow to see if they had a chance to review my application and to hand in my resume. It would be nice to have a steady job again instead of side jobs. -fingers crossed here- Not that I mind side jobs. They’re fun!

For finishing my commission today, I treated myself to ramen at the ramen bar “Hiro’s Ramen” in Philadelphia again. I took my youngest brother, Jae, with me. We got there a half hour before they closed, but they were kind enough to let us come in and order. We ate as quickly as we could so as not to hinder them too long. It was delicious!

Philadelphia is pretty at nighttime because everything is lit up! Also, there isn’t as much traffic at night.

Ah, home now and it’s nice and relaxing. Mom has HGTV on and it’s one of those “International House Hunters” shows. The couple in the show is looking for a home in Warwick, England. It looks so pretty! I love those thatched roof homes with the timber-styled woodwork. -sigh- It’s so pretty.

Look for my words again soon, I’m going to do some writing.

-Soleil

Between Errands

Yesterday morning and this morning, I woke to find that our youngest dog (she’ll be 2 in October) had piled all of her toys on top of me in my bed. She then sat down next to my bed staring at me until I sat up. Obviously, it was time to play. So, I collected her toys, set them aside momentarily to go through my morning routine of getting dressed and feeding myself (she’d already been fed so that was one less thing to do) and then commenced a lovely play session. Her favorite thing to do is to play fetch.

Then I went out to begin working on a sailboat. I’ve been commissioned to paint the name onto the port and lee sides of the hull at the stern of the boat. Since it’s a Western Potter sailboat, the family has decided to name it “Harry’s Potter” since they enjoy the Harry Potter books and movies so much. I managed to draw the design onto both sides before it began to grow dark, so my plan is to return to the boatyard and paint the designs today. Once it’s done, I’ll be sure to take pictures and share them with you all! I really do like the design I came up with for them. They wanted it to have Harry Potter and Nautical influences and they really love the design I drew. So, as soon as it’s painted, I’ll share the completed project with you all!

Right now, I’m sitting in my car, waiting. On Tuesdays, I drive around an old schoolmate’s stepmother so that she can do her errands. She can’t drive anymore and gave up her license a bit ago, so I help out and take her out on Tuesdays. It’s a nice little break in my schedule. Anyway, I’m waiting because she went into a shop and I have time to waste before she needs me to pick her up. Although, I never go far. Since I don’t have any errands to do myself today (aside from go paint a name on a boat), I decided to wait in the parking lot and play on my laptop. =)

Hope everyone is having a wonderful day! It’s very hot here today. I have my windows down but the fact that my laptop is burning my legs doesn’t help with the whole heat factor. This post is done. It’s too hot to keep my laptop here. Haha!

Look for my words again soon!

-Soleil

Too Much Stuff!

I wish there was someplace where I could take those super expensive art supplies that I never ended up using from my classes and sell them back (without a receipt), because I have a fancy illustration pen set that was $120, a $90 16-piece Niji watercolor set, and a $50 12-piece set Dermont pastel set. AND all of them are unopened and unused. They’re just taking up space in my room, along with extra canvases of varying sizes, an artist drafting table with built in light board, paintbrushes, pens, markers, brushes, paints, etc., etc..

Luckily, my friend Kel is taking the artist drafting table off of my hands (a $100 expense that I’m giving to her for free), but there’s still too much stuff in my too small room. I’m trying very hard to minimize what I have, because I do have too much stuff.

You see, in 2012 I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety and OCD, but these problems plagued me since my senior year of high school (which was also the time my Memere passed away) and I not only struggled with anxiety and OCD, but also depression during that time, too. These things combined, I went through a period of time when I didn’t want to let go of anything that reminded me of her, or anything for that matter, and I collected many things and got rid of very few. It was such a tiring and stressful time.

But, finally I can say I’m better and back to my old self and now I find that all the things I thought were so important back then are really just useless and in my way, taking up space in a bedroom that is smaller than most nowadays. (I live in a house that was built in the 1940s-60s.).

Anyway, I’ve been making slow progress, but I’ve already gone through my clothes and shoes. Through books and papers, and cards, and little trinkets and thingamabobs, but I still feel overwhelmed over all sometimes, ESPECIALLY the art supplies that I had to buy for my art classes and then we never ended up using but it’s been so long I can’t return them to the store with my reciepts that I have. So…back to my starting topic of ‘I wish that there were stores I could sell these art supplies to and at least get some of my money back’.

-sigh-

Okay, I’ve gone full circle there. That will be all for now.

Look for my words again soon!

-Soleil